Conveniently Falling Apart in the Now

Life is undoubtedly unpredictable. It is diverse group of reactions in a uniform flow. Life is an authentic representation of the mirror that you reflect upon others. Most of all, life is a never ending transition into constructing the best version of self. Life means something completely different to even the person beside you and is up to yourself to interpret the flow of information. Many things can be said about life but to me there is only two thing that will be certain. One is that change will be imminent and always forming. And the other is that we come into this world the same way that we go. This is with love and with righteousness.

The involvement of our spirit in this plane seems just like a blink of an eye when everything is all said and done. From the vast array of timeless experiences that come together molding the fragments of our ego, to the tangible elements that form our physical bodies, life is full of heartache as well as a roller coaster ride of emotion. Everything is utterly beautiful as well as downright intimidating all in one instance. The vice grip that is wrenched on to your heart never stops tightening until your time here is done.  When we come to this plane we are yearning to have a full blown human experience but unbeknownst to us, the human experience will test our very limits of sanity. It will push us to the depths of everything and anything you thought you have learned. It will test all of your knowledge and your ability to adapt in situations. Most of all though, it will make you evaluate all that you ever have experienced..

The human experience can be described as spirits ability to create and experience emotion in a physical body. It is our vessel, our temple. It is our sensory computer that guides us through the huge amounts information around us. It is always running even when we sleep. We are always bringing in bits of information through our senses. Deciphering, decoding and distributing information is essential to our brain so that we can flow through the fabric of reality. It really is a lot of information to take on and compute. Our brain, being a biological computer, is said to process 400 Billion Bits of information PER second in the subconscious mind. In the conscious mind we are able to only process 2000 Bits of information per second.[1] When you look at these figures it is evident that us as a whole is completely leaving out tons of information to be calculated around us every single moment. We walk around and our attention can only focus on a small sample size. We also walk around missing more than half of the puzzle. Why do we only choose or only process such a small sample size? What do we do with all of the rest of information and where does that come into play? These are questions that I have always pondered but may never be answered unless we really hone in and focus our awareness.

Focusing our awareness becomes such a delicate task the further in life that we age. We start out as a child so carefree with the ability to bring everything in all at once, enjoying the now so effortlessly. This attention slowly fades further away from us the as the ego grows. This is where many of us stumble and lose lack of focus. With all of the forces that we come across daily, our awareness becomes harder to hone your attention in. It is always being fought for steering our attention one way and moving it in directions that we have less of control over. We start to slip up and pay less attention to detail. As this continues we become more and more comfortable with just spending less and less time inside the now and more and more time in the past processing past inputs. From experience this is a place where mostly all humans reside, in the past.

The inside of one’s psyche is a very complex, sophisticated place. It is full of conflicting forces that are constantly changing due to both internal and external stimuli. This results in the wide variations of needs, fears and desires over relatively short periods of time. Because of this, very few people have the clarity to understand what’s going on there. There is just too much happening at once to follow the cause and effect relationships between all of our different thoughts, emotions and energy levels. As a result, we find ourselves struggling just to hold it all together. But everything keeps changing – moods, desires, likes, dislikes, enthusiasm, lethargy. It is a full time task just to maintain the discipline necessary to create even the semblance of control in that order. If we do not maintain awareness we become consumed and lack the focus we need to maintain to live in balance.

When you’re lost and struggling with all of these psychological and energetic changes, you are suffering. While it may not seem to you that you are suffering, compared to what it can be, you are suffering. In truth, the very responsibility of having to hold it all together in itself is a form of suffering. This can make you scatterbrained, left in a huge cloud of fog. You notice this most when things start to fall apart from the outside. Your psyche goes into turmoil and you have to struggle to hold your inner world together. But what exactly are you trying to hold onto? You are trying to hold onto past emotional patterns and experiences that need to be processed and let go. These energy build ups or blockages create barriers inside ourselves, creating stress on our nervous system. Stress is our nervous systems natural way of dealing with all of the pressure from the outside but can take a toll on the human body if not properly disposed of. Many diseases and illnesses can be attributed to stress being built up over long periods of time and staying in one place throughout your body. Have you ever heard of someone saying, “Man the stress is killing me.” Or you have even experienced it first hand!

This is exactly what our society has built up around us, a stressful environment. A chaotic storm of static where everything in it has left you frenzied and unsettling. It keeps moving at such a rapid pace that you forget to breathe. You forget to slow way down and center yourself day after day. You forget why you are here and where you are going. Society is great at doing this. Society consumes you and takes you away from all the joy right in front of your face. It is wonderful at pulling all of your attention away for just long enough, that before you can remember what is going on around you, it is completely to late. You have already lost everything that you built up around you that means so much to you. You friends, your family, your loved ones. All of the gold in your life has been stolen from you inner being leaving you in an even larger state of fear. In that very moment you are left there shattered with a million little pieces of self to be picked up off the ground and more than likely you have no one to help you do so.

Is it one’s fault that we go through this complete shattering of self? Or is it a combination of many different ongoing factors including self and outside forces? I would like to say the latter is the correct answer. If we did not have all of these outside factors constantly bombarding us with confusion, we may never experience the complete destruction. Recognizing that everyone is going through these types of things can be difficult to accept. Everyone is troubled and everyone is susceptible to being consumed by daily life. I think that understanding and comforting these types of behaviors is one key to loving unconditionally, something we all are striving for. The next time you see someone you love going down this path, try to relate and understand the situation. Show compassion and care to help them out of darkness. This path that consumes most is a troubling path and when one goes down it alone, only to be walked away from, it can be very detrimental to his or her psyche in the long run.

This relationship to self helps guide us through our journey and also preps us for relationships with others. Many people seem to underestimate how hard ANY relationship is. We all imagine relationships as an image of a fairy tale but this can be the furthest from the truth. Any relationship whether it be professional, casual, romantic or just a friendship, each has the opportunity to fail. Actually it is almost a certainty that the relationship will fail at some point. There will be highs and there will be lows after things slow down and comfort sets in once again. Each side will need to put forth effort, making the connection a symbiotic conjunction. Really for this to happen, there must be self growth and the willingness to want to grow together. There must be action taking place on the regular. Communicating on a resonant level is a sign of maturity and maturity is a gauge in unconditional love. Sticking out and working through troubled times may very well be one of the best form of gratification for your soul. This proves not only that you are patient in adversity, comforting in the now but also praises you in the sense of whatever life throws at you, you grab it and nurture it with love, something we all strive to do.
Whether we understand or not, there comes a point in one’s life in which you keep stumbling over the same exact problems that seem to resurface continually. They come in cycles like moon phases and then tuck back down under the crescendo of soul if not properly dealt with. These experiences may seem as never ending but realistically they are just a huge reminder of the work that needs done inside of us all. It is the darkness that balances the light. The Yin inside the Yang. The shadow side of us all that builds and builds until we must make a change in our lifestyle to combat these experiences. Bad luck is a term used most often but when the luck seems to be never ending and a constant in one’s life, there must be a point in which you must you step back and reflect on it. This will not only give you peace of mind but may save you from conveniently falling apart in the now.





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